Below are excerpts of a survey of 52 celebrities asked “Is there a god?” by The Onion newspaper. The responses appeared in The Onion’s (bonafide) “A.V. Club” section, 7-13, September 2000).
Isn’t believing in God like wearing chain mail? . . . In that you just don’t do it anymore.
–Paul Barman
EP It’s Very Stimulating
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I’m dyslexic, so I hear dog when you say God.
–Director Robert Altman
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If there is a God, He’s definitely a rock star.
–Trey Anastasio
“Phish” vocalist, guitarist
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If there is a God, all evidence shows that He hates me
–Matt Groening
Simpsons creator
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I’m an atheist.
–Musician Momus
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No, there is no god. Period. End of story.
–Tom Leykis
Radio talkshow host
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No.
–Director Steven Soderbergh
“Erin Brockovich”
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No. I don’t think there’s a God like the God everybody’s taught about. As a concept, I think it exists in terms of nature and the greater forces of things. I believe in nature instead of God.
–Pop singer Matthew Sweet
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No. No, there’s no God, but there might be some sort of an organizing intelligence, and I think to understand it is way beyond our ability. It’s certainly not paternalistic and all these qualities that have been attributed to God. It’s probably a dispassionate. . . . That’s why I say, “Suppose He doesn’t give a shit? Suppose there is a god but he just doesn’t give a shit?” That’s the kind of thing that might be at work.
–Comedian George Carlin
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. . . It’s possible that there’s some kind of life spirit or life force or something; not an old man sitting on a tree. If there’s an old man sitting on a stump way up in the sky, 1) he’s stupid, and 2) he’s somewhat diabolical, you know? He’s giving babies diseases, and bombing villages for no good reason, and killing people in airplanes.
–Singer Mojo Nixon
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. . . There doesn’t need to be a God for me. . . .
–Actress Angelina Jolie
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No, I don’t think She exists.
–Director Alex Cox
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God is, to me, pretty much a myth created over time to deny the idea that we’re all responsible for our own actions.
–Actor Seth Green
