BY ANDREW L. SEIDEL

Catholic hypocrisy, Satanists, and the body of Christ

AndrewSeidelcrop[Update: The Satanists caved and returned the wafer. The judge, as is typical in property cases, ordered that the property in question not be destroyed — which made it pointless to hold the wafer. The "Black Mass" will move forward as scheduled.]

The Roman Catholic Church and Archbishop Coakley recently filed a lawsuit against a group of Satanists to recover a consecrated communion wafer. The Satanists want to desecrate the wafer in their petulant “Black Mass” scheduled for September 21 in Oklahoma. The Catholics claim that any bit of the body of Christ not in Catholic hands must have been stolen: 

Defendants do not have consent or authorization from Archbishop Coakley or the Roman Catholic Church to possess the Consecrated Host. The Consecrated Host in Defendants’ possession must have been procured from the Catholic Church by theft, fraud, wrongful taking, or other form of misappropriation. . . 

An odd claim considering the church freely gives the Eucharist to anybody who presents an open hand or open mouth. This lawsuit is odd in many ways, not least because the Church treats its superstitions as fact. More specifically, that transubstantiation actually happens: 

A host is simply a piece of bread. However, a consecrated host — including the Consecrated Host that is the subject of this action — is a host that has undergone the transubstantiation and is now the body and blood of Jesus Christ. To Catholics, the consecrated host is the most sacred, respected, and revered thing in the world. 

Perhaps Coakley was emboldened by the recent Hobby Lobby decision, but no court can accept transubstantiation as a fact. Leaving aside the rampant hypocrisy that Catholics chew, swallow, and later drop “the most sacred, respected, and revered thing in the world” into the commode. Cannibalism is certainly an odd way to show reverence for one’s god. 

The most galling part of this lawsuit is this little gem: “The actual value of the Consecrated Host is incalculable because the significance and importance of the Consecrated Host cannot be measured monetarily.” That’s right, stale bread goes from $01.09-a-piece to priceless because an old virgin in a fancy dress muttered, “hocus pocus.” (One thousand wafers only costs $18.99 on Amazon.com). Nothing else happens, there is no chemical, physical, or measureable change of any kind, but that two cent investment is now beyond price. Which reminds me, Archbishop Coakley, I have some ocean front property in Arizona for sale. . . 

The incalculable value claim is also deeply hypocritical: This same church has stolen countless childrens’ innocence. The church has shuffled rapists around, offering them new prey with each new post. Nearly 17,000 victims have been identified and $2.5 billion in settlements have been paid out. So according to the Catholic Church’s warped arithmetic, destroying a child’s life is worth about $147,000, while a holy Triscuit is priceless. 

The church finds crackers more precious than the children under its care. The church puts Archbishop Timothy Dolan in a $30 million, 15,000-square-foot mansion on Madison Avenue in Manhattan, and hides $50 million from the victims of sexual assault in Milwaukee, Dolan’s old diocese. It tells us to love those two-cent consecrated biscuits—the body of Christ—more than we love our families. Jesus said so himself: “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10:37. This is the truly appalling aspect of religion, it warps love and human compassion, elevating an imaginary being over one’s own family and children. 

Desecration is not a crime under our secular laws. (FFRF successful argued this point in a Colorado case). It may be in bad taste, but, then again, maybe the old idiom is correct: “Sacred cows make the best hamburger.” If the Catholic Church wants to cry desecration in any real sense, it ought to turn its gaze inward. The world would be better off without its hypocrisy.

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